Sakura dreaming

Warring Thoughts

Now I am alone.

O, what desire and wanton feeling have wrought!
It is not monstrous what this player here desires,
But a fiction, a dream of passion,
Would force his mind to admit his own conceit
That from his vision he speaks of want,
Lust in his eye, a distraction in mind,
A whispering voice, and his whole function made
with forms for passion. And All for not ?
For her!
What's she to him, or he to her ?
That I want him still ? What would he do,
Had he the motive and the cue to end this ache?

He would glimpse the stage with dry eyes
And leave the mind with little a word or speech,
And I silent in the passing and appeal the free,
Confound the unknown, and amazed indeed by
The very faculties of his eyes and tongue.

Yet I,
lost and curious still, wonder,
like a child, unrepent for my cause,
And can say nothing; no, not for a kiss,
upon whose lips scorch the skin,
a damnned defeat was made. Am I a coward ?
Who calls me brave ? Chasing my hope across ?
Fixes my hair, and makes me come undone ?
Holds my attention ? gives me the lie that I can believe,
As wide as the Pacific ? who does this ?

Twice cursed, I should not take it: for it cannot be
But I am female and wonder if any romance
can make melancholy better, or by this
I should have kissed his lips
Without this conquest: bold, senuous war (cannot be had)!
Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!
O, vengeance!
Why, what am I ! This is not bravery,
that I, the forgotten of this would be triangle,
Prompted to wish for him and I,
cursed, like a sailor, my heart wondering with words,
and failing again, like a mime,
A greater desire!
Cry forth! foh! About, my brain! I have heard
That guilty pleasures playing at a play
Have by the very cunning of the heart
Been struck thus too by the body that presently
They have proclaimed their manifestations;
For lust, despite the underlying reason, will act
with that most miraculous organ. I'll have his player
play something like the night before last,
before he departs: I'll observe his looks;
I'll touch him to the quick: if he but look
I know my course. The spirit that I have suffered
May be willingly: and that desire hath power
I will wear a pair of jeans; low rise and, perhaps
Out of my weakness and my melancholy,
As he is very potent with such spirits,
Desires me to damn me: I'll have cause
much worse than this: the play's the whole thing
And wherein, I will glimpse sexuality after all.

posted by Sakura @ 6:02 PM